Random Funnies

Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:39 pm Post subject: Random Funnies

The New Priest:

The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignore how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly."

The next sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignore:

Dear Father,

1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the Cross as the "Big T"
5. The recommended grave before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God"
6. We We do not refer to our Savior, Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the Boys".
7. David slew Goliath, he did not "Kick the shit outof him".
8. Moses parted the water at the Red Sea, he didn't pass water.
9. We don't refer to Judas as "El Finko"
10. The pope is consecrated not castrated, and we don't refer to him as "The Godfather"
11. When Jesus broke the break at the Last Supper he said, "This this and wat it, for it is my body." he did not say, "Eat Me"
12. David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he wasn't "stoned off his ass"
13. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."
14. It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry".
15. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a Taffy-Pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a Peter-Pulling contest at St.Taffy's

Newfie Mother to Newfie Son

Dear Son:

I am writing this slow because I know you can't read to fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we moved. I can't send you the address as the last newfie family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seem them since. It rained here only twice last week, three days the first time, and four the second time. About the coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little to heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral homel, and it said that if we didnt make the last payment on Grandmas funeral, up she come. Aobut your sister, she had a baby this morning, I haven't found out wether its a boy or a girl so I dont know if your an aunt or an uncle. Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in their pickup. One wasdriving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window andsawm to safety. The othertwo drowned, they couldnt get the tailgate open. Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them sooner but I told her you had grown another foot since she last saw you so she had to knit another one. Not much more news thistime.Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:18 am Post subject:

Clearly not newfies, they even type with an accent, making it 'aboot', not 'about'

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:24 am Post subject:

Dude i want to get stoned off my ass...

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:47 am Post subject:

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:53 am Post subject:

The 1st one was way funnier. The second one I had read in 4th grade, it's really not that funny anymore.

Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject: Re: Random Funnies